Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I actually pay taxes

I can read

Why cant I sleep? When I'm about to fall asleep, I get excited that im about to sleep, causing me to wake up again. It repeats till my sleepiness is gone. I tried taking melatonin and not using my phone, but I end upawake for hours.

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I can count

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Trump is shot, tackled by SS agents, yet then stands, defiant, with fist high, and 52 hours later, walks into the Republican Convention to thunderous applause. Is there anything that can stop this man, who loves his country? Does he get your vote?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Who has experienced what they called a happy accident (bestiality)?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

What is your analysis of Walter White from Breaking Bad?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

How often do you watch the news on TV?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

How do I build rapport with anybody?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Why do only ugly women like me on Tinder? Is it because I'm an ugly man?

I see through liars

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Have you ever heard of the god Priapus being the same as the god Phosphorus?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

What was your worst experience while living with roommates?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

How does one succeed in life?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Has your wife or girlfriend ever been felt up in public by a stranger?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

What was your first gay male experience?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Why are fewer English people going to their local pubs for a drink? Are they aware that many pubs are shutting down due to lack of customers?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Why did Kamala say immigrants eating cats isn’t real when there’s police bodycam footage of it happening?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have a reading level above third grade

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”